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Walking to God

Excerpt from the book, “Behind Tear-Stained Eyes” – Cut Chapters

There were lights everywhere as Chelsea moved in slow motion. “Are those fireflies?” she asked as she walked towards them. They seemed to dissipate like she was walking through a cloud or rays of sunlight.

“Am I dreaming?” Chelsea asked while trying to figure out if it was a dream and shrugged her shoulders.

I guess it doesn’t matter if it is a dream. Enjoy the view and stay in the moment.

She walked past a field of tulips and plumerias. “Yep, I’m dreaming. Tulips are a spring flower. It’s December and snowing,” she recalled as she found satisfaction that she could remember that it was snowing in Utah within her dream state.

Now, what did I pray about before I went to bed? I need to analyze this dream and remember it. Why can’t I remember it? I was in tears, why was I in tears?

“Oh well, I’m sure I’ll find out,” she said out loud, looking around. “Now let’s see if my dad or others are going to appear in this dream. The plumerias are here, and that means my heart. Look at me, analyzing my own dreams.”

As she walked on, she saw mountains and a trail that led to a younger woman. The woman was a bright light, that was surrounded by other floating objects. Are those spirits surround her?

Beep! Beep! Beep! She rolled over and hit the snooze button. Please let me pick back up into my dream state. She tossed and turned but realized that she was wide awake. 

“Dammit!” she declared. “I was going to find something out. I was conscious enough to analyze in the dream state. That’s progress.”

She walked into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Well, clearly, my dad was in my dream or around me. I smell his cologne.

Chelsea always hated the smell of her dad’s cologne, but when he had passed away, she found that there was a comfort when she would smell it. It was a distinct smell, and she always knew it meant he was watching over her. 

She looked in the mirror while smelling the cologne. “If I ever told people half of what I experience in dreams or what I feel, they would think I was legitimately insane. People already comment that they think my moon affirmations are weird. Then add my love of crystals and manifesting,” she chuckled. “I guess I am weird.”

 She examined the black under her eyes and sighed, “One day, I should fix the part of my cheek and nose that Dexter cracked. I hate having a permanent black eye, and the filler worked but made my eyes swollen like I am winking. The left eye is so much worse. At least it is a good reminder of how much better my life is now.” 

“What time is it?” she asked as she grabbed her phone and saw a text message.

“Chelsea, I know that this might sound weird, and we don’t know each other well, but in my prayer ceremony, I prayed about you,” Jules wrote.

I haven’t talked to Jules for a while. I forget she is a medicine woman and a medium. It all fascinates me.

“Oh, you did, huh? Should I be worried?” Chelsea wrote back. 

Jules immediately called her and said, “The spirits commanded that I need to offer a massage and energy work to you. Then to talk to you about the Kambo ceremony.”

Chelsea was taken back and said, “Well, I can’t disagree with needing a massage, but you’ll have to explain Kambo, and I’m not at all surprised by your message. I had the weirdest dream with spirits and lights all around.” Chelsea laughed at the thought and was still trying to analyze her dream as she continued. “You know that years ago, I would have thought that a message like yours would be bizarre. Even when I was uber-religious, but now? Well, I know I keep my guardian angels busy.”

Jules giggled, “Yes, sometimes I never know what people are going to say or do when I say stuff like that. Let’s get you scheduled. I have an opening today if you are available.”

“You know, I can never turn down a massage, and ironically today, I do have an opening in my schedule,” Chelsea stated.

Hours later, Chelsea met Jules and had the most fantastic massage and energy work.

“So, Chels, Let’s talk about Kambo like the spirits say you are ready for. Kambo is a traditional ritual that uses the poison of the giant monkey frog, to purify the body,” Jules indicated.

“Oh, I can’t wait. I need a purification,” Chelsea said, smiling.

Jules got serious, “Only those ready for Kambo should get Kambo, but I was told you were ready. That doesn’t happen very often, you know?”

Chelsea and Jules talked about the details, and Chelsea knew that she was ready. I went from heaven to hell to learn lessons, and I think now is the time to learn bigger lessons without the lesson of hard knocks.

They scheduled the meeting a couple of days later, and Chelsea tried to prepare herself for the unknown, she was ready to see beyond the human eyes, and she had faith in what was to come.

For months, I have been secluded trying to process my life and eliminated everyone that I felt I couldn’t trust or gave me an uneasy feeling. I’m at the most peaceful space I have ever been in, and I think that is why I need my next awakening.

Chelsea went into the ceremony room for Kambo. A tapestry hung from the ceiling. Candles lined the room brightening the room with a dancing yellow flicker. A soft tan blanket spread across the floor topped with pillows provided comfort. Chelsea breathed in the aroma of lavender that was mixed with sage. The space felt sacred and safe to Chelsea. Chelsea smiled at Jules as she nodded that she was ready to begin. Jules is definitely the embodiment of peace and love

Jules started the ceremony with a prayer. Chelsea was sitting with her legs folded Indian style with her hands placed gently into her lap. Jules began with Hapeh, a dried and powdered tobacco snuff from the Amazon, which was blown into Chelsea’s sinuses. This was an odd sensation to Chelsea, but she tried to embrace it as she felt her body rocking and shaking, trying to ground itself. Finally, her body went silent.

Chelsea like in her dreams, she saw lights all around her, but this time she was awake. She felt enlightened. Her senses were all opened, and Chelsea noticed that every time she would think of something negative, it would flow through her like a dark shadow, and light would feel its place. She felt safe, comfortable, and peaceful.

It is like that movie, Ghost. Every negative experience that I think in my mind goes straight above like dark swimming through full light. I feel grounded and whole. Chelsea thought as it was all happening around her. This is odd, but yet beautiful.

“Chelsea, Are you ready for Kambo?” Jules asked.

Chelsea nodded as Jules burned her ankle and put a piece of wood that was secreted by the giant monkey frog. Chelsea felt sick and exhausted, but also utterly peaceful with her mind clear. As she would throw up, she visualized removing toxins and felt like an evil entity was being purged. Is that my negative thoughts being purified? It reminds me of what I envisioned while reading the book The Alchemist. She vividly could see things differently. I think of a person in question, and it is almost like a truth serum telling me to avoid or not avoid.

When Chelsea arrive home, she tried to sleep but couldn’t. She scrolled through her phone, and each person’s text she was thinking of things that were red flags with them. One person that she considered a close friend was always bragging about all she did right and putting others down. Oh, my God! Why did I never realize that before and why am I seeing it now? Then she looked at another person, who always drove her insane with being needy and asking questions, and a voice said to her subconscious, ‘she is teaching you: patience and love. Embrace her.’

Person after person on her phone. Chelsea was told through voices, visions, which friends to keep in her circle and which friends to distance from. “This is weird. It’s like I see everything differently. Am I high? If I’m high, then why are things clearer?” she said out loud.

Kambo was definitely some sort of truth serum. I even think of myself differently.

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