Excerpt from the book, “Behind Tear-Stained Eyes.” – Cut Chapters
Chelsea knew that subconsciously that she was attracting broken people. Clearly, all the work that I needed to do, I wasn’t done with it. I’ll take a break from dating and focus on my career, family, and friends. I have never loved meditation or yoga, but I will do it as part of my daily routine to discover the parts of me that need fixing, she thought.
People would laugh as they watched her transform and become more introverted. They would comment that it wasn’t Chelsea that needed the fixing, but she disagreed. “I’m not becoming an introvert for them, and true, I definitely have had some messed-up people in my life. But I have let toxic people enter into my world, and I have given up everything to help them. I don’t resent or regret my sacrifices, but I do recognize that I need major work on fixing all parts inside me that are broken,” Chelsea explained and watch them shake their heads and roll their eyes.
Not everyone will understand me, and I’m ok with that. I don’t live my life waiting for someone to save me or understand me, she thought.
As Chelsea was working more on her inner peace. Her external solace was shaking. She started to see those that she thought were friends were not friends.
I am seeing people in a new light, and I’m not sure I like it. It reminds me of that silly meme that I saw one day on social media. It had a nickel and a dime and said, ‘sometimes something small has more value. Just like friends.’ While I cherish my big group of friends, I have a valued small tribe. A tribe that I know would give up everything to be there for me. It is as though the chaos has disappeared, and my senses are opened, she thought as she watched people in her larger circle talk about others and go behind each other’s backs. Instead of it bugging Chelsea she found it intriguing that they couldn’t see how they were. She noticed others that people loved and admired were actually narcissists with a horrible mask filled with lies.
Once she started healing, she would see others, just like her. She was often judged initially for her appearance and people were shocked when they found that she was more than a pretty face. This was when she decided to make a special effort to see people for their hearts and their vibrations. It was then when she ran into Kristi.
Chelsea and Kristi had known each other for a couple of years. They ironically had parallel life experiences. Experiences that Chelsea was able to hear and relate with the more she started to understand and know Kristi.
Kristi was a light in a dark world, but her beauty often intimidated others. Chelsea could see that Kristi was often judged by the way she talked, how she looked and how she dressed. But Chelsea saw a deeper Kristi, she saw into her soul and found that they were literally two peas in a pod. There was not an off-limits topic. There was no boundary to go uncrossed. There was no adventure not discussed, and there certainly was no ex un-scathed by the duality of their fierceness when the other one was hurting. Chelsea was asked how she and Kristi became so close, and she would smile, “God made us friends because he knew that our moms couldn’t handle us as sisters.”
Their relationship caused issues with other catty women. Chelsea thought, while I am constantly hurt by things people do or say about me. I am not the same at all. My senses are opened, and my wrath is not necessary. I know what is in store for those that betray others. My entire life has shown me that karma is both good and bad. I choose to be good.
Chelsea’s phone rang off the hook for her to come and join at parties, but that is no longer where she found happiness. She found joy in the comfort of her own home and with those that she loved and adored. She discovered that while she used to proclaim, “Depression can never hit a moving target, but happiness is found not running away from the target.”
She found comfort in solace and peace. She no longer wanted to see the same people experience the same thing or have the same small talk. She wanted extraordinary and real.